For Amber and Paul, stay tough
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
Ever wonder what you call a pocket calculator at a nudist camp.
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why do “fat chance”, and “slim chance”, mean the same thing?
Why do we drive on parkways, and park on driveways?
Why does “slow down”, and “slow up”, mean the same thing?
Just think how much deeper the ocean would be, if sponges didn’t live there.
If it is tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Ambition is a poor excuse, for not having enough sense to be lazy!
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still # 2?
If it’s zero degrees outside today, and it’s suppose to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
When two airplanes almost collide, why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!
Why is abbreviated, such a long word?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why is it that night falls, but day breaks?
Why it is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why isn’t 11 pronounced, onety one?
Why do overlook, and oversee, mean opposite things?
If man evolved from monkeys, and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
What do you do when you see an endangered wild animal eating an endangered plant?
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
Would a fly without wings be called a “walk?”
Why do people who know the least, know it the loudest?
My friends, we have only two things to worry about: That things will never get back to normal, and that they already have.
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog -few people are interested and the frog dies!
Some day we will all look back at this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Why do we put suits in garment bags, and garments in a suitcase?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
Jack Handy: “ It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at them.”
If a kid says “why is it raining?” I think a good thing to tell him is, “God is crying?” If he asks why, tell him, “It is probably because of something you did!”
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why do they call it a TV set, when you only have one?
Christmas oxymoron: what other time of the year, do you sit in front of a dead tree eating candy from your socks?
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the real POO!
Why is the word big, so small and the word little, so big?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word monosyllabic?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Tell a man there are 400 billion stars, and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.
And the battle continues . .
immitis pugnae manet
