It was a disaster. There are no other words to describe what happened. Only needed to take a final film and set the machine that does the radiation treatments.
On the table, laid down and the mask is placed on and clamped down. Seems tighter than normal and the pressure on my larynx seems to be a hell of a lot more than I remembered from the he previous times.. Two or three minuets in and I am FREAKING OUT. I feel that I am choking and the heart deigns to race. I can’t breath, crap this is going south fast.
I got to get out of here, I know it’s illogical but f**k, I want out. Then the tech asks if I’m ok. Of course I answer, “I’m doing good” but then I blurt out “No I’m not, this is bad!” Can you hang in there? Only a few more minuets? I feel calmer and say I can but I am really freaking but I have it under control. Then it’s over.
I feel the clamps releasing and the relief is indescribable. I am shook up, there is no reason I should have felt that way, what’s the matter with me? The offer of drugs for the real thing is a blessed relief, I am embarrassed by the fear I felt and can’t really account for why.
An hour later on the train to down town I am still feeling the adrenalin rush and I don’t like it. In the office I relate the experience to a co-worker and begin to freak out on the thought of being in the mask on Monday. To night I am picking up the drugs to counter act the feelings. What a woos I am.
I’ve had two days to ponder and all I can think is the pressure on my larynx was the trigger, tomorrow I just need to get adjusted before the clamps.
D-1, check list ready and plans made. Weather is moving in so it might run late tomorrow but that’s not going to be a problem. Like any good operation we are attacking in multiple directions at once, sort of a time on target approach. . .
Tomorrow charley starts to die . . .
Laissez les bons temps rouler
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